I Did It, Gramps
I stayed on that f****** bus.
The past year has not been easy but I have done it, I have finished university and had the best year yet. I have made some of the biggest decisions of my life, so the pressure has definitely been felt. Third year seems all about working hard and getting yourself on a grad scheme because that's what everyone else around you is doing. So, I got to the beginning of this year and absolutely freaked out! I was going into final year and really felt like I had not accomplished the whole 'uni experience' at alll. So I went and did things differently, decided to treat it just like first year; I joined different and new societies, got properly into my studying and met loads of new people. It was the best decision I ever made. A decision that I would not have made had Gramps not told me to stay on that bus.
In September, having said when I was 15 that I would never row again, I decided that I would go back and give rowing a go, as a novice. I had nothing to lose. And it is honestly the best decision I think I've ever made.
Rowing is obviously a sport that requires a lot of training and is quite intense, so for someone recovering from an eating disorder my therapist was slightly apprehensive, understandably. It felt different though, I understood that if I wanted to succeed and be the best that I can be, I had to eat properly and train because I wanted to for the enjoyment, not as a way for me to earn food.
Rowing has made me fall in love with exercise again. I don't dread going to the gym to do weights or cardio, I mean I even enjoy running(?!), because I want to be there doing it! Bettering myself for me, not to change my body or my worth. I am learning to love my body and actually be appreciative of what it can achieve and how incredible that can be. Like obviously, that is not saying I don't have days where I find things slightly tougher, because that is normal. That is all a learning experience though, and over time being able to differentiate between those choices which are sport driven or eating disorder driven becomes easier...something which I honestly never thought would be possible again.
In March this year I decided that rowing had put me in literally the best place mentally I feel I have ever been, I would go to a testing day for a place on the rowing World Class Start Programme. I had this completely different mindset and wanted to know just how far this new positively driven attitude could go.
A week later I found out I had got a place. It was literally the best news I had heard for a very long time. Being able to be excited about going into training full-time because I wanted to was a feeling that made me unbelievably happy. And one I actually never thought was possible for someone in recovery.
I want this to be proof; proof of the risks and hurdles we overcome, proof of the experiments, that change is worth it, recovery is worth it. As much as you may doubt that you can get you life back you can, and planning that first experiment to test is the first step.
So here I am, about to commence on a full-time training programme to see just how far I can get. It will be tough and hard-work but I can honestly say I have never been more excited about something in my life.
I have always always seen my eating disorder recovery as a journey, I am still finding things out about myself and making improvements each day. This will be so important going into this year.
In order to fund the next year, I have set up a page to try to partially cover some of the cost. I am moving to Leeds and will be training full-time so in order for me to embark on this endeavour some funding is necessary. I cannot express just how much rowing means to me and the drive that I have in order to achieve my full potential; any donation you could offer is hugely appreciated.
Change can lead to journeys which you never thought were possible, and in my case, I would not have known this without experimenting.
Here goes to the next year staying on the f****** bus and taking rowing as far as I can. This is for you Gramps, time to go out and make you the proudest you can be.
https://makeachamp.com/elliesimonds-gooding
The past year has not been easy but I have done it, I have finished university and had the best year yet. I have made some of the biggest decisions of my life, so the pressure has definitely been felt. Third year seems all about working hard and getting yourself on a grad scheme because that's what everyone else around you is doing. So, I got to the beginning of this year and absolutely freaked out! I was going into final year and really felt like I had not accomplished the whole 'uni experience' at alll. So I went and did things differently, decided to treat it just like first year; I joined different and new societies, got properly into my studying and met loads of new people. It was the best decision I ever made. A decision that I would not have made had Gramps not told me to stay on that bus.
In September, having said when I was 15 that I would never row again, I decided that I would go back and give rowing a go, as a novice. I had nothing to lose. And it is honestly the best decision I think I've ever made.
Rowing is obviously a sport that requires a lot of training and is quite intense, so for someone recovering from an eating disorder my therapist was slightly apprehensive, understandably. It felt different though, I understood that if I wanted to succeed and be the best that I can be, I had to eat properly and train because I wanted to for the enjoyment, not as a way for me to earn food.
Rowing has made me fall in love with exercise again. I don't dread going to the gym to do weights or cardio, I mean I even enjoy running(?!), because I want to be there doing it! Bettering myself for me, not to change my body or my worth. I am learning to love my body and actually be appreciative of what it can achieve and how incredible that can be. Like obviously, that is not saying I don't have days where I find things slightly tougher, because that is normal. That is all a learning experience though, and over time being able to differentiate between those choices which are sport driven or eating disorder driven becomes easier...something which I honestly never thought would be possible again.
In March this year I decided that rowing had put me in literally the best place mentally I feel I have ever been, I would go to a testing day for a place on the rowing World Class Start Programme. I had this completely different mindset and wanted to know just how far this new positively driven attitude could go.
A week later I found out I had got a place. It was literally the best news I had heard for a very long time. Being able to be excited about going into training full-time because I wanted to was a feeling that made me unbelievably happy. And one I actually never thought was possible for someone in recovery.
I want this to be proof; proof of the risks and hurdles we overcome, proof of the experiments, that change is worth it, recovery is worth it. As much as you may doubt that you can get you life back you can, and planning that first experiment to test is the first step.
So here I am, about to commence on a full-time training programme to see just how far I can get. It will be tough and hard-work but I can honestly say I have never been more excited about something in my life.
I have always always seen my eating disorder recovery as a journey, I am still finding things out about myself and making improvements each day. This will be so important going into this year.
In order to fund the next year, I have set up a page to try to partially cover some of the cost. I am moving to Leeds and will be training full-time so in order for me to embark on this endeavour some funding is necessary. I cannot express just how much rowing means to me and the drive that I have in order to achieve my full potential; any donation you could offer is hugely appreciated.
Change can lead to journeys which you never thought were possible, and in my case, I would not have known this without experimenting.
Here goes to the next year staying on the f****** bus and taking rowing as far as I can. This is for you Gramps, time to go out and make you the proudest you can be.
https://makeachamp.com/elliesimonds-gooding
Comments
Post a Comment