This is For You, Gramps
Having just returned to uni after summer, going into my final year, it genuinely got me thinking how there have been a lot of times that I never thought I'd reach this point. My university experience, as a whole, has been very up and down; I didn't get on the course I wanted to so had major course doubts, a lot of family situations have come up over the last two years and I just don't think I was in the best of headspaces at times. For me, dropping out has been a very serious option at least 3 times.
But obviously, uni has also been amazing. I've met some of the most amazing people who all mean so much to me, in so many different ways and have also learnt so much about myself as a person.
In December 2016, my first term here at York, I thought that was it for me. I just wanted to leave. I really really was not enjoying my course, I felt a bit shitty and I thought, maybe this uni thing isn't for me. Especially as all I had seemed to hear was 'its the best time of your life, you'll have such an amazing time!' And for me, it felt like the absolute opposite. I took some time off towards the end of the term to go and sit down and have a proper think about what I wanted to do.
Like always, I turned to my Grandparents for advice. Although sometimes hard to hear, most of the time, their advice ends up being the right thing to do.
So off I went to have a little chat and this was the point that my Grandpa said something to me, that he will never know how much it has stuck by me, with everything. He looked at me and was like 'Ellie, you need to stay on that f****** bus.' After giving me the background story of the quote, which comes from something Grayson Perry said, it started making a bit of sense to me.
If he hadn't looked at me and said that, no way in hell would I be here today. It is so easy when things get tough to find the easiest escape, and just be like nah its not for me thanks. But, especially over the last few years, I wanted to prove to myself, and to Gramps, that actually yes, things might not be great right now but I can get through this.
It might start to become slightly understandable why and where my life moto has kinda come from, Life As An Experiment, because this was the first time I remember where I challenged my usual escape. And actually, its got me to my final year of university today. If I had not challenged it back in first year, I can 100% say that my escape would still be to runaway. Being told this made me realise that just because things get tough, why do we feel the need to hide and runaway? What is the worst thing that can happen if we stay and try to get through it?
As I said earlier, things have happened over the last few years which has meant this beautifully unhelpful escape of mine has popped into my head numerous times, trust me.
Towards the end of second year, when I started to realise that I did want a change. I could recognise my thoughts weren't quite right and I wanted to feel different. So, I did it and took a very very scary step and admitted that actually, I did need some help.
Come August 2017, so just after I had started seeking help was when it became truly apparent just how much Gramps' piece of advice about the bus meant to me. I personally wasn't in a great way mentally, but then Gramps unfortunately became very very ill, and obviously, I wanted to be there for both my grandparents during this time.
It would have been so so easy for me to be like whats the point with everything, may as well get off 'the bus' because right then, I didn't really care, I didn't care that I was punishing my body. Everything that I had been doing at that point, felt deserved.
The next few months, Gramps fought so hard, honestly just as if he were saying to himself constantly 'stay on that f****** bus.'
Unfortunately, after fighting so hard, he peacefully passed away in October.
It is coming up to a year since he passed and I thought I would do this for him. Tell all of you the saying that has made probably the biggest difference in my life so far in the hopes of being able to share his message and positively help anyone who may need it.
Going into my last year at uni Gramps and this is all for you. Had you not told me to stay on that bus, goodness knows where or what I would be doing today. I am sorry you will never know how much it has meant to me, but hopefully in my lifetime I will be able to do things to show you and make you proud.
Next time things get a little tough just remember, treat Life As An Experiment, and Stay On That F******* Bus, you won't know what will happen 'til you try.
But obviously, uni has also been amazing. I've met some of the most amazing people who all mean so much to me, in so many different ways and have also learnt so much about myself as a person.
In December 2016, my first term here at York, I thought that was it for me. I just wanted to leave. I really really was not enjoying my course, I felt a bit shitty and I thought, maybe this uni thing isn't for me. Especially as all I had seemed to hear was 'its the best time of your life, you'll have such an amazing time!' And for me, it felt like the absolute opposite. I took some time off towards the end of the term to go and sit down and have a proper think about what I wanted to do.
Like always, I turned to my Grandparents for advice. Although sometimes hard to hear, most of the time, their advice ends up being the right thing to do.
So off I went to have a little chat and this was the point that my Grandpa said something to me, that he will never know how much it has stuck by me, with everything. He looked at me and was like 'Ellie, you need to stay on that f****** bus.' After giving me the background story of the quote, which comes from something Grayson Perry said, it started making a bit of sense to me.
If he hadn't looked at me and said that, no way in hell would I be here today. It is so easy when things get tough to find the easiest escape, and just be like nah its not for me thanks. But, especially over the last few years, I wanted to prove to myself, and to Gramps, that actually yes, things might not be great right now but I can get through this.
It might start to become slightly understandable why and where my life moto has kinda come from, Life As An Experiment, because this was the first time I remember where I challenged my usual escape. And actually, its got me to my final year of university today. If I had not challenged it back in first year, I can 100% say that my escape would still be to runaway. Being told this made me realise that just because things get tough, why do we feel the need to hide and runaway? What is the worst thing that can happen if we stay and try to get through it?
As I said earlier, things have happened over the last few years which has meant this beautifully unhelpful escape of mine has popped into my head numerous times, trust me.
Towards the end of second year, when I started to realise that I did want a change. I could recognise my thoughts weren't quite right and I wanted to feel different. So, I did it and took a very very scary step and admitted that actually, I did need some help.
Come August 2017, so just after I had started seeking help was when it became truly apparent just how much Gramps' piece of advice about the bus meant to me. I personally wasn't in a great way mentally, but then Gramps unfortunately became very very ill, and obviously, I wanted to be there for both my grandparents during this time.
It would have been so so easy for me to be like whats the point with everything, may as well get off 'the bus' because right then, I didn't really care, I didn't care that I was punishing my body. Everything that I had been doing at that point, felt deserved.
The next few months, Gramps fought so hard, honestly just as if he were saying to himself constantly 'stay on that f****** bus.'
Unfortunately, after fighting so hard, he peacefully passed away in October.
It is coming up to a year since he passed and I thought I would do this for him. Tell all of you the saying that has made probably the biggest difference in my life so far in the hopes of being able to share his message and positively help anyone who may need it.
Going into my last year at uni Gramps and this is all for you. Had you not told me to stay on that bus, goodness knows where or what I would be doing today. I am sorry you will never know how much it has meant to me, but hopefully in my lifetime I will be able to do things to show you and make you proud.
Next time things get a little tough just remember, treat Life As An Experiment, and Stay On That F******* Bus, you won't know what will happen 'til you try.
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