Life As An Experiment

Have thought about writing this for a while, probably because a) the situation is one that has been and is so challenging for a lot of people, but also b) it has taken some accepting of the fact that I am not quite where I thought I was or want to be mentally. This period has been a big eye opener, and one that I know is even more important for me to treat as an experiment. Testing myself now, in very unusual circumstances, I know will help to make me stronger when we come out of this. Hold the vision, trust the process. This phrase is something I have reminded myself of daily for a while now; it has become even more important whilst in isolation. And in all honesty, I believe it speaks volumes, in so many different ways.  Whether it be a vision of something you may want to achieve in your job, a skill or sporting achievement, or to do with your recovery. Whatever that vision is, that is what you have to hold on to. Your job is to just persevere with the process of getting t...

Up until, even the beginning of this summer, it is fair to say that one of the main reasons I exercised (outside of rowing) was not because I wanted to. It was because I wanted to change the way I looked. My lil head was convinced that if I exercised to lose weight and make myself smaller life would just be better. My self-worth would instantly be increased, it would make me more accepted and it would make me happier. The reality is that it brought none of this, all it caused was me to absolutely hate the exercise I was doing. My whole life revolved around me going to the gym and would very much dictate the way that I was living. Which honestly, writing this now, feels bizarre as most of the training I do I absolutely love...it is obvious and absolutely fair enough though, that occasionally we get days or sessions which seem pretty difficult, it just shouldn't be something that is happening every single session. It is also important to make clear that, for those who train lots an...

I'm not really sure what I imagined when I started this year, all I had kinda thought about was training around three or four times a day and just basically seeing what happened. It is fair to say that there is far more that comes into it than I had initially thought about; most days, let alone weeks, bring about huge learning experiences be it actually to do with learning how to row, or what different training sessions mean to do with the importance of sleep and nutrition to then learning how to listen to your body if its not feeling well or hurting...can confirm, needs a lot more work. One thing I did know coming in is that nutrition was going to be a bit of a make or break as I knew to keep up with the demand of all sessions I had to be giving myself the right fuel, and given my past, this is probably the thing that has had the biggest importance and needed a lot of attention over the past few weeks. My strategy has been to think of treating everyday as an experiment, I am no ...

I stayed on that f****** bus. The past year has not been easy but I have done it, I have finished university and had the best year yet. I have made some of the biggest decisions of my life, so the pressure has definitely been felt. Third year seems all about working hard and getting yourself on a grad scheme because that's what everyone else around you is doing. So, I got to the beginning of this year and absolutely freaked out! I was going into final year and really felt like I had not accomplished the whole 'uni experience' at alll. So I went and did things differently, decided to treat it just like first year; I joined different and new societies, got properly into my studying and met loads of new people. It was the best decision I ever made. A decision that I would not have made had Gramps not told me to stay on that bus. In September, having said when I was 15 that I would never row again, I decided that I would go back and give rowing a go, as a novice. I had noth...

We have all been in a situation where we feel horrifically guilty or ashamed of something that we have done or said. It consumes our minds and is all we think about. Our thoughts become irrational and we convince ourselves that what could or might have happened is just too bad to even say aloud, we are disgusted with ourselves. This leads to dealing with this feeling and emotion in different ways, sometimes unhelpfully.  Talking is one of best things for us- basically like getting a second opinion...for free!! Too many people are afraid to speak out. We shy away from telling the truth or even just asking for advice because we are scared of how we might be judged.  In reality this is because our minds have already done the nasty work of convincing us of something incorrect. The more we get the word out there about how we are feeling, the more we will realise numerous things: A ) It is good to talk!!  It stops all that internalising, and sometimes just saying thing...

Having just returned to uni after summer, going into my final year, it genuinely got me thinking how there have been a lot of times that I never thought I'd reach this point. My university experience, as a whole, has been very up and down; I didn't get on the course I wanted to so had major course doubts, a lot of family situations have come up over the last two years and I just don't think I was in the best of headspaces at times. For me, dropping out has been a very serious option at least 3 times. But obviously, uni has also been amazing. I've met some of the most amazing people who all mean so much to me, in so many different ways and have also learnt so much about myself as a person. In December 2016, my first term here at York, I thought that was it for me. I just wanted to leave. I really really was not enjoying my course, I felt a bit shitty and I thought, maybe this uni thing isn't for me. Especially as all I had seemed to hear was 'its the best time...

We all as people find it far too easy to come up with excuses telling ourselves when we don’t feel just quite right it is normal and we just need to get on with it. Now, A) this isn't wrong, because what is normal? But B) if we don't feel quite right why do we just ignore it instead of giving the treatment and attention it needs early on? It really is no different to a physical injury. If we think about it, there is no normal. Because who decides what normal is? The only things we should ever compare in life is ourselves, how we have felt before, how we feel now, stuff like that. It is very ordinary to have ups and downs, because things change and life moves on, but recognising these differences just mean we are being observant. To be able to come out and speak up about how you're feeling shows that you are strong. It shows that, if you aren't feeling so good, you want to feel different, because you know how this difference feels. You can recognise that you may not ...

Yes  I was bullied, yes it affected me, but no way in hell nearly as much as the effect that one stupid app had on my life.  I’m tall, active and a fairly reserved person, which is very different I now note, to unconfident.  Of course  I was going to weigh more than those around me, (not lying about my height!). I was never really that  self conscious  or worried about how I looked to other people; I was happy .  In April 2017 I downloaded  MyFitness  Pal and this ended up being the catalyst of a period, which is safe to say, looking back on now was the worst period of my life.  Prior to downloading it I was very easy come, easy go. I’ve definitely recognised there were issues regarding disordered  eating  but I was blissfully unaware of what was to come.  The main thing I used  MyFitness  Pal was, to begin with, see how many calories I consumed because, as I recall telling my Mum, I was ‘curious...