Life As An Experiment

Have been meaning to write this for a few weeks now; I guess I haven’t because the fact that I have recognised performance sport isn’t the right place for me right now is hard to admit. Gonna try and keep it short and sweet, but update you all on the decision I’ve made and why.   Over the last almost two years when introducing myself, my go to has always been ‘Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Ellie and I am a full-time rower.’ Always enjoyable to see how quickly I could get the fact that I rowed into the conversation… When making the decision to stop rowing, not because I don’t want to do it anymore but because I’ve recognised that environment is not one that is healthy for me, my first thought was shit! Who even am I now?    Since my training had to pause due to ongoing illness, it became apparent that I probably wasn’t quite where I believed I was in terms of recovery. It was obvious that doing three sessions a day had, in a way, ‘allowed me’ to eat properly. It was a twisted ...

Have thought about writing this for a while, probably because a) the situation is one that has been and is so challenging for a lot of people, but also b) it has taken some accepting of the fact that I am not quite where I thought I was or want to be mentally. This period has been a big eye opener, and one that I know is even more important for me to treat as an experiment. Testing myself now, in very unusual circumstances, I know will help to make me stronger when we come out of this. Hold the vision, trust the process. This phrase is something I have reminded myself of daily for a while now; it has become even more important whilst in isolation. And in all honesty, I believe it speaks volumes, in so many different ways.  Whether it be a vision of something you may want to achieve in your job, a skill or sporting achievement, or to do with your recovery. Whatever that vision is, that is what you have to hold on to. Your job is to just persevere with the process of getting t...

I'm not really sure what I imagined when I started this year, all I had kinda thought about was training around three or four times a day and just basically seeing what happened. It is fair to say that there is far more that comes into it than I had initially thought about; most days, let alone weeks, bring about huge learning experiences be it actually to do with learning how to row, or what different training sessions mean to do with the importance of sleep and nutrition to then learning how to listen to your body if its not feeling well or hurting...can confirm, needs a lot more work. One thing I did know coming in is that nutrition was going to be a bit of a make or break as I knew to keep up with the demand of all sessions I had to be giving myself the right fuel, and given my past, this is probably the thing that has had the biggest importance and needed a lot of attention over the past few weeks. My strategy has been to think of treating everyday as an experiment, I am no ...

I stayed on that f****** bus. The past year has not been easy but I have done it, I have finished university and had the best year yet. I have made some of the biggest decisions of my life, so the pressure has definitely been felt. Third year seems all about working hard and getting yourself on a grad scheme because that's what everyone else around you is doing. So, I got to the beginning of this year and absolutely freaked out! I was going into final year and really felt like I had not accomplished the whole 'uni experience' at alll. So I went and did things differently, decided to treat it just like first year; I joined different and new societies, got properly into my studying and met loads of new people. It was the best decision I ever made. A decision that I would not have made had Gramps not told me to stay on that bus. In September, having said when I was 15 that I would never row again, I decided that I would go back and give rowing a go, as a novice. I had noth...

Yes  I was bullied, yes it affected me, but no way in hell nearly as much as the effect that one stupid app had on my life.  I’m tall, active and a fairly reserved person, which is very different I now note, to unconfident.  Of course  I was going to weigh more than those around me, (not lying about my height!). I was never really that  self conscious  or worried about how I looked to other people; I was happy .  In April 2017 I downloaded  MyFitness  Pal and this ended up being the catalyst of a period, which is safe to say, looking back on now was the worst period of my life.  Prior to downloading it I was very easy come, easy go. I’ve definitely recognised there were issues regarding disordered  eating  but I was blissfully unaware of what was to come.  The main thing I used  MyFitness  Pal was, to begin with, see how many calories I consumed because, as I recall telling my Mum, I was ‘curious...