Life As An Experiment

I stayed on that f****** bus. The past year has not been easy but I have done it, I have finished university and had the best year yet. I have made some of the biggest decisions of my life, so the pressure has definitely been felt. Third year seems all about working hard and getting yourself on a grad scheme because that's what everyone else around you is doing. So, I got to the beginning of this year and absolutely freaked out! I was going into final year and really felt like I had not accomplished the whole 'uni experience' at alll. So I went and did things differently, decided to treat it just like first year; I joined different and new societies, got properly into my studying and met loads of new people. It was the best decision I ever made. A decision that I would not have made had Gramps not told me to stay on that bus. In September, having said when I was 15 that I would never row again, I decided that I would go back and give rowing a go, as a novice. I had noth...

York Sport Union spoke to UoY student and rower, Ellie Simonds - Gooding, about her struggle with an eating disorder, her journey to recovery and how rowing trains her mind as well as her body. ‘I was never really told about eating disorders at school. Then, when I came to university, suddenly I was aware of them and felt a lot of pressure to look a certain way.’ Ellie, who speaks so sensitively and openly about her experience with her own body image and mental health, said that her illness began in her first year at York. ‘Among friends I felt new and different pressures I had never experienced before. I felt I had to look a certain way and do things differently in order for people to like me. This is when I developed bulimia.’ Can you tell us more about the moment when your habits began to negatively change? I became completely obsessive over calorie counting, especially after I downloaded the My Fitness Pal app. Suddenly, I was able to see not only how many calories I w...

We have all been in a situation where we feel horrifically guilty or ashamed of something that we have done or said. It consumes our minds and is all we think about. Our thoughts become irrational and we convince ourselves that what could or might have happened is just too bad to even say aloud, we are disgusted with ourselves. This leads to dealing with this feeling and emotion in different ways, sometimes unhelpfully.  Talking is one of best things for us- basically like getting a second opinion...for free!! Too many people are afraid to speak out. We shy away from telling the truth or even just asking for advice because we are scared of how we might be judged.  In reality this is because our minds have already done the nasty work of convincing us of something incorrect. The more we get the word out there about how we are feeling, the more we will realise numerous things: A ) It is good to talk!!  It stops all that internalising, and sometimes just saying thing...

Having just returned to uni after summer, going into my final year, it genuinely got me thinking how there have been a lot of times that I never thought I'd reach this point. My university experience, as a whole, has been very up and down; I didn't get on the course I wanted to so had major course doubts, a lot of family situations have come up over the last two years and I just don't think I was in the best of headspaces at times. For me, dropping out has been a very serious option at least 3 times. But obviously, uni has also been amazing. I've met some of the most amazing people who all mean so much to me, in so many different ways and have also learnt so much about myself as a person. In December 2016, my first term here at York, I thought that was it for me. I just wanted to leave. I really really was not enjoying my course, I felt a bit shitty and I thought, maybe this uni thing isn't for me. Especially as all I had seemed to hear was 'its the best time...

We all as people find it far too easy to come up with excuses telling ourselves when we don’t feel just quite right it is normal and we just need to get on with it. Now, A) this isn't wrong, because what is normal? But B) if we don't feel quite right why do we just ignore it instead of giving the treatment and attention it needs early on? It really is no different to a physical injury. If we think about it, there is no normal. Because who decides what normal is? The only things we should ever compare in life is ourselves, how we have felt before, how we feel now, stuff like that. It is very ordinary to have ups and downs, because things change and life moves on, but recognising these differences just mean we are being observant. To be able to come out and speak up about how you're feeling shows that you are strong. It shows that, if you aren't feeling so good, you want to feel different, because you know how this difference feels. You can recognise that you may not ...

One of the major life changing things, I mean as if I can sound anymore cliché lol,  I've realised and only briefly touched on, is confidence. During life you're brought up and it becomes very clear at first glance those who are louder and those who are quieter. Yet what also gets brought to light is that being 'quiet' is a bad or negative trait to have. I instantly felt, when people picked up on my quietness like I had been labelled. That was that, stamped and marked for life, that was me.  Always sitting there imagining myself being as loud and outgoing as some of those around me, and thinking one day, that'll be me, up there on stage joking around, singing at the top of my voice. But do you know what, it really wouldn't ever be me!! I am a much more reserved and yes, quieter individual; this doesn't make me any less fun or gregarious, or mean that I will have any less opportunities available to me. My brain had automatically made the connection th...

Yes  I was bullied, yes it affected me, but no way in hell nearly as much as the effect that one stupid app had on my life.  I’m tall, active and a fairly reserved person, which is very different I now note, to unconfident.  Of course  I was going to weigh more than those around me, (not lying about my height!). I was never really that  self conscious  or worried about how I looked to other people; I was happy .  In April 2017 I downloaded  MyFitness  Pal and this ended up being the catalyst of a period, which is safe to say, looking back on now was the worst period of my life.  Prior to downloading it I was very easy come, easy go. I’ve definitely recognised there were issues regarding disordered  eating  but I was blissfully unaware of what was to come.  The main thing I used  MyFitness  Pal was, to begin with, see how many calories I consumed because, as I recall telling my Mum, I was ‘curious...